1. Sugar Spoon

..from a dream of my house key morphing into a spoon. I had willed it so somehow.
I used the spoon to shovel sugar into my mouth until I was manic and then crashed on the front lawn, locked out of my house..
indulgence as refuge=mirage.


Locked myself into the house and melted down the key
Turned it to a sugar spoon to doctor my coffee
Never felt more happy
More in control
I go bouncing off the wall and fall into a dark hole

And it’s warm in there, that’s how I like it
That sweet despair is what I know
I tear my hair out of the sockets
And pray to God for it to grow

I do much to not be the mule
Not be the burdened beast
But all the awful offloading
Gets the best of me
When I get too tired
Out of control
I climb into a bottle and go down the rabbit hole


Funny how the sugar seems to soothe me
Then the rush confuses the soul
When I lay myself out to the open sky
I’m hurt, but whole

So when I’m locked inside with a spoon for a key
And all the demon judges have trained their eyes on me
Help me to be quiet,
to hush, to recall
That Humility is Safety and that is all

When that’s how I like it
When that sweet despair is what I know
When I’m tearing my hair out from the sockets
And praying to God
For it to grow…